Today's the Day

 

As I sit here, awake in these wee hours of the morning, I am reminded of where I was at this time three years ago.  I remember waking up a little after midnight with what I was pretty sure were actually contractions and wondering if this would be the day I'd meet my son.  

I remember timing my contractions in our dark, quiet room while my husband slept.  I remember having to wake him up a few times because in his sleepy fog, he didn't quite grasp that my contractions were already only three minutes apart.  I remember my husband having to wake our new neighbors at almost 3:00 in the morning to ask if they could stay with Kiddo.  

I've mostly forgotten the drive to the hospital, but I remember entering the hospital with fairly intense contractions that just kept getting closer and closer together.  I remember being wheeled upstairs to the maternity ward, having to answer lots of questions in one room (and hadn't I pre-registered? So, why all the questions?) and then being told I still had to walk down the hall to my actual room.  I remember thinking that was just plain crazy, if not a little bit mean.  I remember deciding to stick with my choice to not have an epidural, but then asking for just a little nubain for the pain.  I remember that it didn't seem to help, but that suddenly my eyes wouldn't stay open-- not that I was falling asleep (that would have been impossible), but that my eyelids just kept closing no matter how hard I tried to open them and wondering if that was some weirdo kind of side effect.  

I remember being so glad that the incredibly kind midwife I'd seen at the very end of my pregnancy would be the one helping me deliver, and not the condescending doctor I'd seen earlier, or someone I'd never met.  I remember the nurses telling me to push and thinking that I just couldn't.  It was too difficult, I was too tired-- and yet, somehow, I did.  

  And then, oh then, I met the sweetest angel I've ever known.  He was plump and sweet and perfect, and we were so grateful, so very, very grateful. We couldn't have known then how short a time we'd have with this darling boy, or how awfully our hearts would break less than eight months later.

 

I have a friend whose son died at nearly six weeks old, about a year before Isaac passed away.  I remember reading a friend's posting on her blog that said, "The only thing worse than losing him would be never having had him at all."  When I first read that, Isaac was still with me and I didn't understand what she meant.  Now I do.  With all the pain and grief and sorrow that we've felt in these last two and a half years, it doesn't diminish the joy we felt to have Isaac in our lives.  As horrible as it has been to lose him, I would never want to know a life without those happy, beautiful months with the sweetest baby you could ever meet.  And we cling tightly to the hope that the joy we felt then will be nothing compared to the happiness we'll feel when, after this life, we can be with him again-- forever.

Today is a hard day.  I can't help but sob as I type these words.  I MISS HIM.  There is nothing like the ache of missing your child.  It is the deepest pain you can imagine.  I think of what he would be like at three, that he'd be talking and running and making us laugh.  I wonder if he'd look like Kiddo.  He was a go-getter of a baby, who seemed to do everything early and didn't seem to fear anything.  I imagined he'd be an athlete, but he was already trying to talk so I sensed that he was also going to be very intelligent.  And he was just happy, mellow, and peaceful.  Would he have stayed that way as a toddler?  Would he have liked the things his brother liked?  Would he be reading at the same amazingly early age?  I don't know, and the wondering hurts.

But today is also a glorious day.  It is the day my angel was born.  It was the day he brought brightness and hope into our lives.  And so, today we will once again celebrate his life.  We will honor him with kindness and service.   We will try to make him proud.  We imagine him looking on from heaven and smiling his incredible smile as he sees the good deeds done in his memory.  

  

Once again, many of our friends and family have pledged to do the same.  I hope you are one of them.  It's quite simple, really.  Just go out of your way to make someone else's day brighter.  Write a letter.  Forgive someone.  Share a treat.  Give someone a ride.  Mow someone else's lawn.  Visit someone who is sick or elderly.  Recycle.  Plant a tree.  Apologize to someone you've hurt.  Call your mother.  Say thank you.  Offer to babysit for free.  Share your talents.  Pick up litter.  Go to Church/the Temple/synagogue/mosque.  Decide not to argue with someone.  Give a book to a child.  Give hugs.  Donate to a charity.  And hold your children close.  Tell them how much you love them and how glad you are they're yours.

 And think of Isaac, because today is the day.

***If you would like to make a donation in Isaac's memory, there are many, many organizations we love like Heifer International, LDS Humanitatian Services, The Ronald McDonald House, and others which are linked on the sidebar-- and, of course, there's always your local library.  In particular this year, we support The Cure Starts Now http://csn.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&eventID=605&participantID=1106  in honor of Oliver Palmer.  Also, our dear friends, Tara & Aaron are  building a LIBRARY in LESOTHO!!

Who's Albert Schweitzer?

When Kiddo was about two and a half, he turned to me and said, "Who's Albert Schweitzer?"

Shocked, I asked, "WHAT?"

"Who's Albert Schweitzer?" he repeated.

Mystified as to where this question came from, I replied,"Well, I think he was a famous doctor. I'll have to ask your Gobby."

Now you have to remember that this was a period of intense and rapid learning for Kiddo. At two years, four months we discovered he could just pick up first grade level books and read them with no help. Say what? At two years, two months he set out to learn all the Presidents by number, which he did. At two years, six months he learned all 50 states-- and the next month he taught himself the capitals. ALL BECAUSE HE WANTED TO. We read to him, and had bought him those $1 placemats at Wal-mart which had that info on it, but we had no expectations that he would really be interested in them for quite a while. So when he asked who Albert Schweitzer was, I may have had no idea where he'd heard of him, but I thought I'd better find out a REAL answer to what I thought was a sincere question.

When I was in High School, I had to write an essay on "The Most Awe-Inspiring Person." My mother had insisted that I really should write about Albert Schweitzer, but I was determined to write about one of MY childhood heroes, so I disappointed her by choosing that lame-o Florence Nightingale. (You know I'm kidding, right? Okay, on to the story...) But it was stored in my long-term that my mom must be an expert about him, so I called her up and asked,
"Who's Albert Schweitzer?"

"Well, I'm not exactly sure. He was a famous doctor. He did a lot of work in one of the African countries. I don't know much more than that."

Say what? All these years I thought she was a charter member of his fan club, and that's ALL she could remember? Tsk, tsk. Well, it looked like I was going to have to do some research on the man, after all.

Of course, the best place for research is the library, so during my next trip, I located a children's biography of Mr. Schweitzer and excitedly showed it to Kiddo, who was at most, mildly interested. While reading it, I was amazed by his life story. He wasn't JUST a doctor; he was also a prolific author, a famed organist, a peace activist, built a hospital for the poor in Gabon-- and oh, won a little award called The NOBEL PEACE PRIZE. Maybe you've heard of it?

Much to my surprise, Kiddo did sit and listen to me read about two chapters of the book and in his sweet innocence agreed with me that Albert Schweitzer was a really cool guy, maybe someone he could grow up to be like. But it still didn't answer the question: how in the WORLD did he know about the man in the first place?

Then, one day, the answer revealed itself while we were watching this little gem, the "sequel," if you will, to "A Charlie Brown Christmas":

At the time Kiddo was obsessed with all things Snoopy, and was also deep into his parroting phase, in which he quoted lines from his videos ad infinitum. So it should have come as no surprise when we were watching, and I heard the following exchange:

Sally: If I get socks again for Christmas this year, I'll go even more crazy.

Linus: I remember reading that Albert Schweitzer dreaded the thought of receiving Christmas gifts. And do you know why that was? It was because he hated having to write thank you notes. What do you think about that?

Sally: Who's Albert Schweitzer?

AHA! I went to all that trouble and Kiddo was just repeating a line from a Peanuts special? You gotta be kidding me! Certainly that explanation made more sense than anything more profound I might have been imagining! Ah, well.

BUT... all was not in vain. Our research on Mr. Schweitzer has given Kiddo an incredible goal that I honestly hope one day he will achieve. The other thing I forgot to mention was that at about two years old, Kiddo had looked up at me, tapped himself on the chest and said, "Doctor." It seems he knew early on what his career aspirations were. So since he was planning ahead anyway, I thought perhaps he should set another goal to live a life like Mr. Schweitzer's. After all, he was certainly showing signs of genius already, and after our visit to Lesotho, I knew a perfect place for him to do some amazing work. But I didn't think a whole lot about it at the time because after all, he WAS TWO AND A HALF.

Yet, after that incident, Kiddo also decided that he wanted to be President someday. And he learned some things about the Presidents-- such as, that several have won the Nobel Peace Prize. And he also heard Mommy say that The Nobel Peace Prize was probably the most amazing worldly honor one could win. And he heard Mommy and Daddy talk about the lack of availability of quality medical care for most people in Lesotho.  So, of course, Kiddo decided that he should win the Nobel Peace Prize, too.  Isn't that a right and proper goal for the future POTUS?  ;)  Again, one day we were just talking, and that subject of the NPP came up and Kiddo just casually threw out there, "I think I should win that one day... when I'm 58." But how?

Well, at about the time he came up with his goal, the unthinkable happened. Our dearest little Isaac died. And somewhere, in Kiddo's memory, he remembered that Albert Schweitzer won the Peace Prize after building a hospital in Gabon. So he told us that like Mr. Schweitzer, he is going to build a hospital some day. I suggested he could name it in honor of Isaac, which he loved. He says he wants to call it the "Isaactown Hospital." Throughout the last two years, the location has changed. Sometimes it will be in Lesotho, sometimes in Utah or Colorado (because he wants to live there someday), sometimes in Iowa or Illinois-- and, my personal favorite-- sometimes in ALL of those places. Sometimes he imagines he'll build a whole town with a school and a library and everything. Can you imagine? I know he's still just five and a half, but... Can you just imagine it? If he could achieve even a small fraction of that, he will do more than most of us ever even attempt.  Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. Again, this is something I need to remember on those days when it seems he is determined to drive me to the brink of complete insanity. Because somewhere inside that crazy, brilliant, stubborn little boy, there might just be a future Nobel Laureate. 

Nobel Laureate of 2064 (Yes, he says he'll be 58 when he wins! ;) )

If you're interested in learning more about the truly "awe-inspiring" Mr. Schweitzer, who has given my little guy the courage to dream a really big dream, look here:

http://www.schweitzershospitalfund.org.uk/index.html
http://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/peace/laureates/1952/schweitzer-bio.html
http://www.schweitzerfellowship.org/