The Second Day of Sunshine (2011)

I've been meaning to post about Isaac's birthday for quite some time now... I'm noticing that both this year and last year, I put so much effort in to getting through Mother's Day and his birthday that in the days following, I sort of fall into a deeper level of grief and sorrow. I guess there is something of a letdown after focusing myself on insisting that those days still be positive. So it gets a little harder to stay motivated in those following days. This year, having both Kiddo and Little Friend has helped considerably. They are truly the most entertaining little people on this planet, in my humble-- and not at all biased-- opinion! But it's still hard, because I can't help but feel the profound absence of that other wonderful little boy whose physical presence is no longer felt in our home.

Without a doubt, one thing that has helped me in the past year, was the semester that I had the opportunity to teach Seminary. It was never a calling I would have aspired to-- neither the prospect of teaching FIVE DAYS a week at SIX A.M., nor of trying to reach sleepy teenagers who'd rather be at home, were things that ever excited me. To be quite frank, I have been terrified of teenagers ever since I was one, and I always thought that if I had to work with them, they'd probably eat me alive! However, I really loved that semester of teaching Seminary. I loved immersing myself in the Gospel, and I love my students. Obviously, they didn't eat me! :) So when I thought of what I'd like to do for Isaac's birthday, one of the first things I thought of was my former Seminary class. While I was pregnant, I rather spoiled them by baking lots of goodies and they always seemed to appreciate it. If I were a really great Mommy blogger, I'm sure I would have fed them delicious, fresh, home-made, from scratch cinnamon rolls or something. And I would have arrived an hour early to decorate a lovely table setting for them with matching plates and napkins. But, let's face it, I'm not! And with a new baby, I'm still tired a lot of the time. So I settled for bringing them donuts, cereal, milk, juice, bananas, and candy (gasp! so bad of me, I know!) You can see from the photo that I won't be putting Martha Stewart out of business any time soon!

I did explain to the kids that it was Isaac's birthday, and that I was spreading sunshine in his honor. I gave them each a little picture of his sweet, smiling face and challenged them to do something for someone else that day, too. They seemed pretty happy with their surprise breakfast, despite its lack of fancy-ness. I did get a picture of them smiling, but I had to promise them that I would never post it anywhere since most of them were still in their pajamas! So you can just pretend these are my Seminary students-- minus the bare midriff, of course! ;)
(photo from Microsoft's clipart website)


After I got back home, the Daddy-O and I went to the Temple. Just like last year, we paid the toll for the next four cars behind us on our way there. The Temple is always a peaceful place for us, and where I often feel closest to Isaac. It is particularly poignant when we go to do sealings, because almost every time, we participate in sealing a child who died very young to his or her parents. Our Temple marriage is something that gives us great comfort as we strive to be worthy to see our Isaac again, and we feel gratitude to be able to extend that opportunity to others whose dear children passed away.

After the Temple, we stopped briefly at home to change clothes and pick up Kiddo and Little Friend. I have to say that our children are incredibly good travelers! It's about 90 minutes or so from our home to the cemetery where Isaac is buried, so poor Little Friend spent several hours that day like this:

However, he couldn't have behaved any more perfectly than he did. What a lovely little baby we have!

We took flowers, a balloon, and cards to sweet Isaac's grave. This was the first time we had taken Little Friend, who actually slept through the whole visit, even though I took him out of the car seat for a few minutes! We sang "Happy Birthday" to Isaac, but had to leave shortly after because some little person needed to "go potty!"

It just so happens that my oldest niece was finishing up her freshman year of college in that very town, so I had prepared a goodie bag for her with chips and candy (again with the candy! Bad, bad Rachael...) to help her get through finals week, as well as a card we'd been meaning to give her for AGES. It was fun to surprise her with a visit at work, and even Kiddo was excited to give his cousin ONE OF HIS DINOSAURS. This was a very big deal for him, and we asked him repeatedly if he really wanted to do this... he said "yes!" We were so proud!

By then we were hungry, so we decided to eat at a favorite Mexican restaurant that Daddy-O and I used to go to back when we were dating and newlyweds. On the way there, we stopped at the post office and mailed a birthday card to an old friend I used to work with but haven't talked to in years. Well, once we got to the restaurant, I caused poor Kiddo to regret his sharing the aforementioned Velociraptor by praising him for his generosity. OOPS! It made for a slightly less enjoyable dinner... but overall, it was still a pretty good time.

It made Kiddo feel a bit better to send Cousin Rebecca a text message in which he wrote:

"This is ya bad cousin [Kiddo]. I want my dinosaur back." I honestly couldn't help but crack up, although I told him that asking for a gift back is rude, but it doesn't make him bad!

Most of the times we have eaten at this restaurant, we have had exceptionally good service, but out waiter was really only adequate. I mention this because I had originally wanted to spread some more sunshine by giving him a HUGE tip. So we compromised by giving him a dollar more than we normally give. :) At least it was something, I guess!

By the time we finished eating, we were all pretty tired so we got in the car and headed home, where we had some strawberry ice cream in honor of Isaac (it was my biggest craving while I was pregnant for him, and even when I was nursing him). Then we all crashed.

Don't worry, Little Friend got to get out of his car seat and sleep in bed! :)

Next year, I imagine we'll do things a little differently. I realized a few things this year:

1. We need to involve the boys more in our planning. I was excited when Kiddo gave away his dinosaur, because I thought he was "getting" what we were trying to do. I realized when he wanted it back that I hadn't really explained to Kiddo much about our plans, nor did I involve him by asking HIM what HE'D like to do for someone.
2. I didn't spend enough time just loving and cuddling my boys that are still here. I was so busy all day that I didn't take the time to just snuggle them and tell them just how much I love them and how grateful I am to be their mommy.
3. We were so tired we didn't do our regular nightly routine with Scripture Study and Family prayer, followed by story-reading. This is another time of day when I have felt closer to Isaac, and of course, it is a time when we as a family feel closest. I felt like missing out on this was a major failure for Mommy.
4. It is very hard to fit the Temple, the cemetery AND meaningful service into one day. We will either need to plan our schedule better, or spread these activities over multiple days because I really would like to include ALL of them as much as I can.
5. If I want to involve others in Isaac's day, I really need to post the invitation a bit earlier!

For all of you who helped participate in spreading sunshine for our sweet boy, we want to express our sincere thanks. I really feel that Isaac would, and does, love the way we choose to remember him. I don't exaggerate when I say he was the sweetest, happiest child. So I can't help but think that his beautiful spirit smiles brightly on us each time he sees those who love him bring happiness to others in his honor.

Sunday Will Come

This is still one of my favorite talks ever. It is all the more poignant to me because he delivered it in the October 2006 Conference, when I was just beginning to find the light at the end of the very, very dark tunnel of Post Partum Depression. What a kind and tender heart Elder Wirthlin has. His words have always brought me such hope and peace.

The full text of his inspiring talk can be found at:

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=0af888f17feae010VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

Why, oh Why, oh Why?

There's nothing like a Primary kid to make you feel good about yourself. Well, sometimes, that actually is true. I've had children tell me they love me on the first day I ever taught their class, or draw me cute little pictures for no apparent reason. On the other hand, they can also make you feel really stupid sometimes.

With the new year, I've received a new crop of CTR-7s (kids turning 7 this year), and I love them to pieces. They generally know how to walk in the hall, they don't demand treats like my last class did, they usually stay in their seats, and they're just so cute and sweet. But their questions, and sometimes comments, can really throw me off guard sometimes. Here are just a few gems:

* Yesterday, one girl looked at me and asked, "Why do you wear almost the same thing every week?" So I had to explain that, as she knows, I am pregnant, and I keep getting bigger and bigger and now most of my clothes don't fit. As a result, I have one maternity skirt, and about 3 shirts nice enough to pair with it. Do the math!!! No, actually, I didn't say all that, I'm not evil. I stopped after the first sentence.

* I asked the same child, whose mother has been very ill, how her mommy was doing. "Why does everyone keep asking me that?" I pointed out that I hadn't had a chance to talk to her mother since her illness. "Well, she was sitting on the same bench as you during Church. You could have asked her then!" Touche! "Well," I said, "then, how are YOU?"

* The first week I taught them, one of the girls asked, "Is this a true story?" I replied that it was from the lesson manual, so I assumed it was a true story. "But how do you really know?" piped up another girl. Well, uh...

* We had a lesson in which we were supposed to say names that would be familiar to the children, and ask them what they thought of when they heard that name. Many of the names I suggested brought no real response, so I hastily decided to mention Abraham Lincoln-- positive response. So then I said, "Barack Obama." Note to self: BAD IDEA. While, yes, they all knew that name, one girl warned, "But he's BAD!" This upset the other children, who said things such as, "No, he's NOT!" or, "No, he's our President." I said that it wasn't really our job to decide if he's bad.

"No, he IS bad," she insisted. "He kills babies!!!!" Not surprisingly, this upset the children even more.

"He does not kill babies," I countered, trying to reassure the four other worried children. "He just has different ideas about..." Then I suddenly realized it is NOT my job to explain the abortion debate to a group of six-year-olds, and desperately tried to change the subject. But the whole situation still doesn't really sit well with me. I am absolutely pro-life myself, but I can't stand it when people make inflammatory claims that anyone who is pro-choice is a "baby killer." It's really NOT the same, if you ask me. But I was able to remind myself that I was talking to a six-year-old, who is likely just mimicking something she's heard someone else say. And even if she or her family honestly believe it, they do have the right to feel that way. It's not my job to change their minds.

Anyway, it was certainly the oddest discussion I've ever had with a Primary class. I've been terrified that my kids will go home and tell their parents, "'Sally' says Barack Obama kills babies. But 'Sister X' says he doesn't. Does he?" I can't even imagine what their parents would think of that! I'm still unsure how I should have handled it, other than to never have brought up the name of a current political figure... Any ideas?

You just never know...

This post is for all the current and former Nursery teachers and leaders. I remember the 6 months I was Nursery Leader, and feeling there was really no point sometimes in trying to give a lesson because, who was listening, anyway?

As a parent, I always ask my Kiddo what he did in Nursery, and his answer every time is, "Share!" I'd like to hope that he's actually sharing, but I sort of doubt it. Anyway, since they've started using the new Nursery manual, we sometimes get to see a glimpse of what the lesson must have been, based on the coloring pictures he brings home. But rarely will he ever talk about what the picture represents. Here are two exceptions.

First, this video, from August. It cracks me up, because it is a pretty good representation of Kiddo's true feelings about obeying Mommy and Daddy-O... sigh.



Second, a story from a few weeks ago. While getting Kiddo ready for his after-Church nap, I was singing, "We are a Happy Family" ("I love Kiddo, He loves me. We love Daddy, yes sirree. He loves us and so you see, we are a happy family."), not a song that we routinely sing, for whatever reason. At the end, Kiddo exclaimed, "YEAH! And, I can love others!"

"You can love others?" I asked. "Where did you learn that? At Church?"

"YES. In Nursery."

He didn't care to elaborate, but after I got Kiddo to sleep, I told Daddy-O the story and asked him if he had looked at Kiddo's picture for the week. Daddy-O hadn't seen it either, so he pulled it out of the diaper bag and looked.... Sure enough, the caption reads, "Jesus Christ showed us how to love others!"

So take heart, Nursery Leaders, someone just might be listening after all!

Gotta love Primary!

I think I neglected to post that almost 2 months ago, I was released from the Primary Presidency and called to teach the CTR-7 class (kids turning 7 years old in 2008). Even though they are a noisy bunch who demand treats and do not seem to realize that they are supposed to walk WITH their teacher to the classroom, I do already love them dearly. They all have their own quirks and cute personalities. For instance, one little girl likes to pause for effect in the middle of a story she's telling, and say, "We-ell, let's just say..." and continue with something like "... that wasn't a great idea."

Yesterday, the kid who I would say generally has the best manners of the group was looking at me intently, I assumed because he was listening to me teach, and suddenly stated, "You're really pale!"

"Yep," I replied, "I sure am."

"Why?" one of the other children asked.

"Uh, well, I was born that way I guess." By then I think the whole class was staring at me, attempting to sum up the situation. Trying to move past the awkwardness, I said, hopefully lightly, "It's pretty scary, isn't it? I look kinda like a vampire, don't I?"

They laughed, but they didn't disagree.... hmm....

"This is my day...

The Elders, my sister Heather, my niece Emily, ME, My Mom

... My Baptism Day!"

14 years ago today, on Father's Day, I was baptized in Mansfield, Ohio at age 17 by Elder Anthony Farnsworth of St. George, Utah. I was then confirmed a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints by Elder "Giph" Snelgrove of Red Deer, Alberta, Canada. It was a powerful spiritual experience for me, and perhaps the best choice I ever made. Almost every blessing in my life has either been because of, or enhanced by, that decision and I am grateful for it every day. I don't know where these two missionaries are today, or Elder Steve Savage and his various companions who first taught me, but if I could, I'd like to say thank you from the bottom of my heart, for your service and example. I feel thankful beyond what I can express for the blessing of the Gospel.

Way to Be

I had no idea what to title this post, but I hope you enjoy the video.

Here's a little "backstory": Since my son seems to remember things so easily, we decided to see just what he can remember. Honestly, we've just repeated these things to him about 2 or 3 times a day for the past 2 weeks, although I'm sure he's heard them before in other contexts. In particular, I used to have a very bright laminated picture of the "Six Bes" printed on bumblebees up by his changing table when we was just a wee baby. My sisters had always had something on the wall for their baby girls to look at when they were getting new diapers, so I had thought the contrast of the bees would be interesting to a newborn. (I should point out that if you post such pictures for baby boys, it's best to laminate them first, if you know what I mean!) Anyway, I would repeat the "Bes" to him when he was just a few months old -- not that I was trying to make him learn them, for heaven's sake! -- so I guess in some small way, these past few weeks have still been a "review" for him.

The crazy thing about this whole thing is that when I taught Sunbeams, the Primary Presidency really wanted the teachers to practice the Articles of Faith with their classes but I thought, "What?!?! They're 3 years old!! How am I supposed to teach a 3 year old to memorize something?" Now I realize it's actually probably not that hard, considering how quickly and easily toddlers learn new things every day. Live and learn, I guess.

God Be With You Till We Meet Again

Gordon B. Hinckley
(23 June 1910- 27 January 2008)

Have you heard the news?

http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/news-releases-stories/beloved-church-president-gor

don-b-hinckley-dies-at-97

A truly great man with a kind, wise, and gentle spirit, a keen mind, and a wonderful sense of humor has passed away. (If I still have any non-LDS readers out there, Gordon B. Hinckley was the President of our Church for the last 12 years, most of the 13.5 that I have been a member.) His life was a legacy of service and devotion to God, and to the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

On a personal note, I am so sad. I love President Hinckley-- and so does my Kiddo. My husband and I were talking just last night how Kiddo can always correctly pick out the Prophet from pictures in the Ensign or Friend. He gets so excited to see the "Poffif," or President "Hinky." How do you teach a 19-month-old that there will be a different prophet now?

I am glad, though, for my testimony the Church is true and the knowledge that we will still be led by a Prophet who lives the teachings of Jesus Christ, even if it's not President Hinckley, my "favorite."

It's (finally) official!!!

I'm back in Primary!!! Woo-hoo!!!

It is no secret that I LOVE working with the kids in our Church, and as a result, every time I move to a new ward (congregation), I am quick to tell the Bishop that I am always ready to teach in Primary (ages 3-12) or even Nursery (18 mos. to 3 years). So I've been pretty sad for the last 3 and 1/2 months since I bid goodbye to my sweet little CTR-6 class in our old ward.

On October 28th, a member of the Bishopric asked me if I would teach the Valiant Girls (ages 10-12) class. I had a wonderful experience teaching that group in CF, so I was really excited and wholeheartedly agreed. He gave me a class list, a substitute list, and some info about when class meets, etc. and I went home expecting that sometime soon I would hear from the Primary about when to start.

By the time Saturday the 3rd rolled around, I was antsy so I called the Primary President. In talking to her, we figured out that I was issued the wrong calling-- they wanted me to teach the Sunbeams (kids turning 4 this calendar year). Well, okay, I taught Sunbeams in IC back when I was first married and liked that too so I said sure, whatever. I would have to adjust my thinking somewhat, though.

Then I got to Church on Sunday the 4th, and there wasn't any Ward Business so I wasn't sustained. I thought that was kinda weird. Then the Bishop asked to meet with me after Church, and I was just praying that there wasn't yet another misunderstanding. After all, I needed to be in Primary!

So, I met with the Bishop and he said that in the preceding week, they decided to release the current Primary Presidency, and called a new President. And she, Sister Kay, asked for me to serve as her 1st counselor. This was surely not what I was expecting-- I never aspire to leadership positions-- but it is in Primary and, hey, this way I get to see all the kids every week without having to teach a lesson every week. Not too bad a deal, if you ask me. But I am feeling a little overwhelmed at the idea of responsibility-- and giving Sharing Time so often.

So, yesterday (Nov. 11th), I was finally sustained and I can do a little happy dance. I also got to substitute in the Sunbeam class-- still teacher-less-- and whew, are they some busy kids! One of them, who I'd never met before, told me she was glad I was teaching because she loved me, and loved my dress! On the other hand, one of her classmates impatiently asked me during the lesson, "Why are you talking so much?" (Honey, that's what everyone wants to know!)

GOTTA LOVE PRIMARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yippee!!!!

I survived my talk! It even went okay! Now that it's over, I can "hibernate" and read my 5 library books.

And I was extended a calling today... in my favorite Church organization!!! Yea!!!

Why am I so crabby?

Hel-loooooo!

So I thought if I went a longer time between postings, I might create some anticipation for the next entry... Judging from the very small number of comments I get and my mostly empty inbox, I'm guessing that I haven't waited long enough. Or something. Actually, The Husband has been monopolizing the computer lately with his papers and projects and presentations, etc., etc., etc. so I don't get so much time to post.

So here I am... and boy, have I been in a bad mood a lot lately. I don't know for sure what it is. We are all healthy, with a roof over our heads. The kidlet is mostly delightful. I've gotten emails this week from friends Camille & Amy C, adorable photos of the Allen kids, and have been thoroughly entertained by posts on friends' (& cousin's) blogs. My dear friend, Melissa, has called a few times in the past week. I've gotten to talk to my Mom, one of my sisters, and two of my fantastic nieces. I'm almost caught up with the laundry. I got five cards made. So what is my problem?

Maybe it's that all those wonderful people live so far away. Maybe it's that the daylight hours are getting shorter. Maybe it's that I hate the way grad school eats up all of my husband's time and most of his energy. Maybe it's because there's always more dirty laundry, and I seem to no longer be capable of keeping a neat house. Maybe it's because I keep getting headaches and when I tell my husband about it, he helpfully suggests, "maybe you're pregnant," when, ahem, quite obviously I'm not. Maybe it's a profound case of ingratitude. Maybe it's that I miss being in Primary. Maybe it's even hormones. Probably it's a little bit of "all of the above."

And also...

I agreed to give a talk in Church this Sunday. Bro. Richards said my reference was the Spring 2007 conference talk by Joseph B. Wirthlin. Great. I love Elder Wirthlin. I love his talks. Then he tells me the topic is "diligent work." Now what in the heck do I know about that topic? Or, how am I supposed to become an expert on that by Sunday? I wish I could just say "no, on second thought, how about we wait for a different topic?"

Help!!!!