Large and in Charge

So, this is how much I've grown in just 3 weeks. And sadly, I still have about a month to go. I've already gained 39 pounds, which if you add to the 9 extra pounds I was still carrying from the first pregnancy, means I already have about 50 pounds to lose once the baby is born. How is that for discouraging?!?!?! Looks like I'll be wearing my annoying maternity pants for several more months this time. With Kiddo, it was obvious from my swollen ankles and legs that I was retaining large amounts of water, and I did lose a lot of that fast. This time it looks like it's all just me-- unless of course I have a 20 pound baby. HAHAHA.

You often hear of celebrity Moms, who-- let's face it-- were probably underweight to begin with, gaining something crazy like 70 pounds, but then rapidly managing to lose it all. I always wonder how that is possible. But I guess maybe if I had a personal trainer, a nanny, and a cook, I could do it too.

I have been trying to tell myself that the main thing is just for the baby to come healthy, and for me to be healthy, and all the numerous nurses and residents I've had to see this time seem to think that we are. They're watching for spikes in blood pressure, and last time thought he might be breech, but today he seems to be head-down, although still in a kooky position--instead of head-down, face-up, and in fetal position, something more like this-- sideways, with his bum up near my ribs, and his legs all stretched out.

Baby "Rerun" continues to stretch out as much as possible, and move a lot. But I have to say, I am seriously uncomfortable. It's hard to carry this belly around! Finding a comfortable sleeping position is almost impossible, which means I'm more tired than I should be...which means I've had some migraines... which means I feel like doing very little... which makes me feel like eating to console myself... which makes me gain weight and gives me heartburn... which makes it hard to take a nap... which means... you get the picture.

So actually, while I am large, but I'm not really in charge. I'm praying the baby comes 2 or 3 weeks early, but it seems highly unlikely that a girl who made her mother wait an extra 3 weeks would ever be blessed with an early birth!! Honestly, I think the marsupials do reproduction much better than we humans. Wouldn't you rather give birth to something exceedingly tiny, and then carry it around in a pouch while it grows and matures, or is it just me? It sounds so much more comfortable. Think of all the things you could get done!! And, I could be wrong, but it sounds like nursing, for a koala, is really a cinch.

On a positive note, I am getting really excited to meet this new little guy! I am so curious to see what he will look like, and what kind of personality he'll have. Kiddo is going through what I hope is just a phase of being picky about whether or not he wants to be hugged or kissed, so I can't wait for a little snuggle puppy who I can kiss and cuddle as much as I want!

I am so thankful that I have been able to be medicated through this pregnancy, and will be able to continue with it to nurse, assuming that works out. My first pregnancy, and ESPECIALLY the recovery period were so difficult for me emotionally and I am really praying for a much smoother transition this time... especially because the dear friends who were so incredibly helpful to us are now so far away. If you get a chance, say a little prayer that we'll have an easier delivery and post-partum period. I would really appreciate it!!!

Why, oh Why, oh Why?

There's nothing like a Primary kid to make you feel good about yourself. Well, sometimes, that actually is true. I've had children tell me they love me on the first day I ever taught their class, or draw me cute little pictures for no apparent reason. On the other hand, they can also make you feel really stupid sometimes.

With the new year, I've received a new crop of CTR-7s (kids turning 7 this year), and I love them to pieces. They generally know how to walk in the hall, they don't demand treats like my last class did, they usually stay in their seats, and they're just so cute and sweet. But their questions, and sometimes comments, can really throw me off guard sometimes. Here are just a few gems:

* Yesterday, one girl looked at me and asked, "Why do you wear almost the same thing every week?" So I had to explain that, as she knows, I am pregnant, and I keep getting bigger and bigger and now most of my clothes don't fit. As a result, I have one maternity skirt, and about 3 shirts nice enough to pair with it. Do the math!!! No, actually, I didn't say all that, I'm not evil. I stopped after the first sentence.

* I asked the same child, whose mother has been very ill, how her mommy was doing. "Why does everyone keep asking me that?" I pointed out that I hadn't had a chance to talk to her mother since her illness. "Well, she was sitting on the same bench as you during Church. You could have asked her then!" Touche! "Well," I said, "then, how are YOU?"

* The first week I taught them, one of the girls asked, "Is this a true story?" I replied that it was from the lesson manual, so I assumed it was a true story. "But how do you really know?" piped up another girl. Well, uh...

* We had a lesson in which we were supposed to say names that would be familiar to the children, and ask them what they thought of when they heard that name. Many of the names I suggested brought no real response, so I hastily decided to mention Abraham Lincoln-- positive response. So then I said, "Barack Obama." Note to self: BAD IDEA. While, yes, they all knew that name, one girl warned, "But he's BAD!" This upset the other children, who said things such as, "No, he's NOT!" or, "No, he's our President." I said that it wasn't really our job to decide if he's bad.

"No, he IS bad," she insisted. "He kills babies!!!!" Not surprisingly, this upset the children even more.

"He does not kill babies," I countered, trying to reassure the four other worried children. "He just has different ideas about..." Then I suddenly realized it is NOT my job to explain the abortion debate to a group of six-year-olds, and desperately tried to change the subject. But the whole situation still doesn't really sit well with me. I am absolutely pro-life myself, but I can't stand it when people make inflammatory claims that anyone who is pro-choice is a "baby killer." It's really NOT the same, if you ask me. But I was able to remind myself that I was talking to a six-year-old, who is likely just mimicking something she's heard someone else say. And even if she or her family honestly believe it, they do have the right to feel that way. It's not my job to change their minds.

Anyway, it was certainly the oddest discussion I've ever had with a Primary class. I've been terrified that my kids will go home and tell their parents, "'Sally' says Barack Obama kills babies. But 'Sister X' says he doesn't. Does he?" I can't even imagine what their parents would think of that! I'm still unsure how I should have handled it, other than to never have brought up the name of a current political figure... Any ideas?

P.O.C. Update

Maybe you remember that I posted a while back about how much I hate, loathe, despise and abominate my camera? Well, it still isn't going to win any awards, BUT...

I did decide to invest in a battery charger and rechargeable batteries. Thank you to those who suggested it!!! I do believe these rechargeable batteries are actually MAGIC batteries. I have had the same two in my camera since the day before Thanksgiving, and have taken several photos and filmed more than 24 minutes of my sweet little Kiddo... and I STILL have power left on them. Wowie-wow-wow!!!

I will definitely not be buying ANY MORE regular old batteries for this fussy little camera. I am a rechargeable "convert."

Look-alikes?

I didn't know my Kiddo was such a chameleon. Is it just my imagination, or does he look a little bit like....


... Samuel L. Jackson?




... Tiger Woods?




... he wants to make a statement?

The power of words

Have you heard about the controversy surrounding Ben Stiller's new movie, "Tropic Thunder?" Until today, I hadn't. Here are links (which you might have to cut and paste to read) to two opposing columns on the subject:

From the mother of a special needs child:
www.5minutesformom.com/4010/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-retard/

and, from an entertainment reporter:
www.ropeofsilicon.com/article/here_comes_the_tropic_thunder_retardgate

A straight news article by the NY Times appears at:
www.nytimes.com/2008/08/11/movies/11thun.html?_r=2&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

At any rate, in the R-rated movie, Stiller plays an actor who portrayed a "retarded" character in a film. Evidently there are scenes from the film within a film, "Simple Jack," in which Stiller goes over the top in playing a disabled person. There are also several instances in which the word "retard" is used to describe this character. The controversy, then, is the use of this word, and the depiction of disabled people. Many advocacy groups representing disabled people are planning protests, some are even calling for a boycott, while others are saying that such an action would violate free speech. What do you think?

For what it's worth, I wouldn't see the movie whether the word was used or not. I've seen precious few movies in the theater since Kiddo was born, and I can't think of any good reason to waste my money on a film rated R for "extensive use of vulgar humor and profanity." On the other hand, for the most part, I do believe our Constitution guarantees our right to free speech, so even if it's degrading and rude, I suppose the filmmakers have a legal right to make such a film and anyone old enough has the right to watch it. If you read the articles, you can see how the filmmakers explain their choice to use the word. I think I see where they're coming from, but I really don't like their chosen technique for making their point. However, we as Americans also have the right to boycott anything we wish; it's another form of Free Speech, guaranteed by the Constitution.

Some who've posted comments on these various web articles say that those who object are overly sensitive (surely they've never been branded with such a term) and that boycotting is ridiculous and shouldn't be done. I would ask, why? What is a boycott, after all, but refusing to give your money to something you object to? Here are some accepted definitions, according to dictionary.com:

boycott (n)
The refusal to purchase the products of an individual, corporation, or nation as a way to bring social and political pressure for change.

boycott

(n) 1. a group's refusal to have commercial dealings with some organization in protest against its policies

(v) 1. refuse to sponsor; refuse to do business with

What in the world is wrong with that? I'm not sure-- there's certainly nothing unconstitutional about spending your money how you choose. And in some cases, boycotts have been quite effective in changing our nation, its policies and ways of thinking. I shudder to think what America might be like today if there had never been a Montgomery Bus Boycott.

And yes, I do object to the use of the word "retard"-- as an adult, I've worked with, and loved, disabled children, and it angers me when people belittle them or marginalize them. I can remember that when I was a teenager, mainstreaming was something of a new idea, and the only time I really saw the Special Ed students was during Lunch or P.E.. I admit that I had little understanding of them or their needs, and did not reach out to them or befriend them, and I regret that. I remember watching the "popular" guys pretend to be nice to one kid in particular-- Steve was his name-- and how excited he was. What he didn't know was that they were mocking him and teaching him to say offensive things to pretty girls so they could have a laugh. I remember feeling sick inside, but thinking I had no power to do anything about it. Now that I'm older, I'm not sure that's true. Certainly I had no influence over those boys who were making fun of him, but I could have befriended him myself or tried to set an example to friends over whom I did have an influence.

It was a year or two later, though, before I really started thinking about the effects of the little things I say or gestures I make, and how they can hurt others. I was staying with my family at a Ronald McDonald House while my newborn niece, Emily, was in the hospital because a bleed in her brain was causing seizures. I was sitting in the common area joking around and talking to someone, and made a gesture to mock myself that I must sadly admit is disparaging toward the disabled. Seated across the room was a devoted mother, feeding her sweet little girl who was confined to a wheelchair and unable to care for herself due to severe cerebral palsy. I don't believe either of them saw what I did, but the shame that filled me was overwhelming, and permanently changed how I think, speak, and act.

Is the word "retard" (as a noun) offensive? Absolutely.

Here's another definition straight from dictionary.com:
re·tard ²

n. Offensive Slang

1. Used as a disparaging term for a mentally retarded person.
2. A person considered to be foolish or socially inept.

Is it "hate speech?" I'm not so sure on the meaning of that particular term. But it's certainly not "love speech" and I can tell you that we don't use that word in our home. Nor do we use the N-word, which to me is one of the ugliest words in the world. I also don't use a certain word that starts with w, and is degrading to women. I won't tolerate others using any of those word in my home. It may be way over the top, but I also don't want the word "crybaby" used in my home. I was branded with that title in the 5th grade for crying "too much" (what's the standard for that, I wonder?) and being "overly" sensitive, and it followed me for YEARS. I want my kids to know it's okay to cry when you really need to, so instead we'll emphasize that one shouldn't whine or wail unnecessarily. I suppose I do misuse terms such as "crazy" or "insane;" I guess I justify that because of my own psychiatric issues, although they're not really that funny, either. So I'm definitely not perfect on this kind of issue, even if I am trying.

To sum up: words have the power to hurt, and I think we spend far too much time tearing people down instead of building each other up. And what for? A laugh? Is it worth it? Probably not. So, should you "boycott" the movie? Well, that's for you to decide. But, if nothing else, consider the message you want to send with your own words, and how you'd like to be treated. Think about how you'd want someone to talk about your child, and how you'd like your child to speak about others.