The power of words

Have you heard about the controversy surrounding Ben Stiller's new movie, "Tropic Thunder?" Until today, I hadn't. Here are links (which you might have to cut and paste to read) to two opposing columns on the subject:

From the mother of a special needs child:
www.5minutesformom.com/4010/once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-retard/

and, from an entertainment reporter:
www.ropeofsilicon.com/article/here_comes_the_tropic_thunder_retardgate

A straight news article by the NY Times appears at:
www.nytimes.com/2008/08/11/movies/11thun.html?_r=2&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

At any rate, in the R-rated movie, Stiller plays an actor who portrayed a "retarded" character in a film. Evidently there are scenes from the film within a film, "Simple Jack," in which Stiller goes over the top in playing a disabled person. There are also several instances in which the word "retard" is used to describe this character. The controversy, then, is the use of this word, and the depiction of disabled people. Many advocacy groups representing disabled people are planning protests, some are even calling for a boycott, while others are saying that such an action would violate free speech. What do you think?

For what it's worth, I wouldn't see the movie whether the word was used or not. I've seen precious few movies in the theater since Kiddo was born, and I can't think of any good reason to waste my money on a film rated R for "extensive use of vulgar humor and profanity." On the other hand, for the most part, I do believe our Constitution guarantees our right to free speech, so even if it's degrading and rude, I suppose the filmmakers have a legal right to make such a film and anyone old enough has the right to watch it. If you read the articles, you can see how the filmmakers explain their choice to use the word. I think I see where they're coming from, but I really don't like their chosen technique for making their point. However, we as Americans also have the right to boycott anything we wish; it's another form of Free Speech, guaranteed by the Constitution.

Some who've posted comments on these various web articles say that those who object are overly sensitive (surely they've never been branded with such a term) and that boycotting is ridiculous and shouldn't be done. I would ask, why? What is a boycott, after all, but refusing to give your money to something you object to? Here are some accepted definitions, according to dictionary.com:

boycott (n)
The refusal to purchase the products of an individual, corporation, or nation as a way to bring social and political pressure for change.

boycott

(n) 1. a group's refusal to have commercial dealings with some organization in protest against its policies

(v) 1. refuse to sponsor; refuse to do business with

What in the world is wrong with that? I'm not sure-- there's certainly nothing unconstitutional about spending your money how you choose. And in some cases, boycotts have been quite effective in changing our nation, its policies and ways of thinking. I shudder to think what America might be like today if there had never been a Montgomery Bus Boycott.

And yes, I do object to the use of the word "retard"-- as an adult, I've worked with, and loved, disabled children, and it angers me when people belittle them or marginalize them. I can remember that when I was a teenager, mainstreaming was something of a new idea, and the only time I really saw the Special Ed students was during Lunch or P.E.. I admit that I had little understanding of them or their needs, and did not reach out to them or befriend them, and I regret that. I remember watching the "popular" guys pretend to be nice to one kid in particular-- Steve was his name-- and how excited he was. What he didn't know was that they were mocking him and teaching him to say offensive things to pretty girls so they could have a laugh. I remember feeling sick inside, but thinking I had no power to do anything about it. Now that I'm older, I'm not sure that's true. Certainly I had no influence over those boys who were making fun of him, but I could have befriended him myself or tried to set an example to friends over whom I did have an influence.

It was a year or two later, though, before I really started thinking about the effects of the little things I say or gestures I make, and how they can hurt others. I was staying with my family at a Ronald McDonald House while my newborn niece, Emily, was in the hospital because a bleed in her brain was causing seizures. I was sitting in the common area joking around and talking to someone, and made a gesture to mock myself that I must sadly admit is disparaging toward the disabled. Seated across the room was a devoted mother, feeding her sweet little girl who was confined to a wheelchair and unable to care for herself due to severe cerebral palsy. I don't believe either of them saw what I did, but the shame that filled me was overwhelming, and permanently changed how I think, speak, and act.

Is the word "retard" (as a noun) offensive? Absolutely.

Here's another definition straight from dictionary.com:
re·tard ²

n. Offensive Slang

1. Used as a disparaging term for a mentally retarded person.
2. A person considered to be foolish or socially inept.

Is it "hate speech?" I'm not so sure on the meaning of that particular term. But it's certainly not "love speech" and I can tell you that we don't use that word in our home. Nor do we use the N-word, which to me is one of the ugliest words in the world. I also don't use a certain word that starts with w, and is degrading to women. I won't tolerate others using any of those word in my home. It may be way over the top, but I also don't want the word "crybaby" used in my home. I was branded with that title in the 5th grade for crying "too much" (what's the standard for that, I wonder?) and being "overly" sensitive, and it followed me for YEARS. I want my kids to know it's okay to cry when you really need to, so instead we'll emphasize that one shouldn't whine or wail unnecessarily. I suppose I do misuse terms such as "crazy" or "insane;" I guess I justify that because of my own psychiatric issues, although they're not really that funny, either. So I'm definitely not perfect on this kind of issue, even if I am trying.

To sum up: words have the power to hurt, and I think we spend far too much time tearing people down instead of building each other up. And what for? A laugh? Is it worth it? Probably not. So, should you "boycott" the movie? Well, that's for you to decide. But, if nothing else, consider the message you want to send with your own words, and how you'd like to be treated. Think about how you'd want someone to talk about your child, and how you'd like your child to speak about others.