Confession:
My husband and I have had a debate going for the past 6 years. It started when I used the word "crap" in his presence. Or, since I'm a fan of Frank Barone/Peter Boyle, it's highly likely that I even might have said "Holy Crap!" Anyway, my beloved told me that I shouldn't curse. Highly incensed, I retorted that I was not cursing because "crap" isn't even a bad word. Sadly, I've known how to curse since I was little, and I've consciously worked very hard to give it up. Considering that I still have a hard time not using profanity when I'm very angry, when I get injured, or make a thoughtless mistake, I thought he should be grateful that this was the worst word he was hearing from me. He countered that it's the same thing as using the true profane word with a similar meaning. I disagree, because then it would also be bad to say "poop" or "BM" or "ka-ka," and those aren't "bad words," even if they too represent something kinda yucky in the English language.
I do know that he's not the only person who feels this way. A few years before our argument, I had used the word while playing "Phase 10" with a boyfriend and his parents. His mother made some cryptic comment about a boy she took a class with at BYU commenting that he "hated when he heard girls say that word." My thought was, of course, why does it matter if a girl says it? Is he saying that it's okay for boys to say it, but not girls? What a sexist! It now occurs to me that she was probably just telling me my language was unattractive... not that I probably would have stopped saying it based on that, anyway. I'm just a little too cheeky. :(
The funny thing about this debate is that 2 things have happened in the intervening years: #1, my husband now slips up and says this word from time to time (and I just laugh) and #2, my sweet little kiddo has also recently picked up this word. Uh-oh. I find that I am totally embarrassed when my child says this relatively harmless word, but sometimes I think that's only because other people might think I'm teaching him "bad words." I've tried to stop, but it's SOOOO hard. When the little guy had somehow opened up Power Point tonight and was seemingly trying to make his own slide show, I found myself whispering it under my breath, and he still heard it and repeated it! And you know that telling him not to say that word is pointless-- he'll just keep repeating it to drive me crazy, as he does when Daddy-O calls another driver a "creep."
So I've sorta got a dilemma on my hands: am I corrupting my son? I told my husband the other day that I have tried going to the basement or somewhere else more isolated when I feel like using truly bad language and letting it out where no one can hear me. He laughed harder at that than at any joke or funny story I've ever told. He says it's not any better to curse in private than it is in public, but I disagree. I think it's still a bad habit & I want to stop, but at least I'm not offending or corrupting others if I rant and rave in the basement.
In a related example, I checked out a CD from the library last week because I like a song by this band that I'd heard on the radio. When I got home and read the lyrics to their other songs in the liner notes, I was shocked to see the f-bomb, and other "choice" words beginning with s, a, and the like-- yet there were NO Parental Advisories. What does it take for a CD to be stamped with "Parental Advisory," if not language like that? If I had known that was the kind of music this band usually produces, I never would have brought it into my home. Let them curse in the privacy of their own home-- I don't care. But when you are trying to eliminate your own bad language AND have a toddler who has memorized words to more songs than you can count, well, you should be armed with the knowledge that this CD is a bunch of cr**-- sorry-- so you can leave it on the shelf.
Anyway, sorry this post is so long. Hopefully I haven't offended you all by my "Potty Mouth" and you'll still be my friends and read my lousy blog. You can weigh in on this debate by voting in my poll, posting a comment, or-- my personal favorite-- both!! :)
8 comments:
I love this post! I'm definitely going to check back on the poll :)
Yes I do remember you! I was just looking at your blog and your little boy is so cute! What is his name and how old is he? I don't mind if you look at my blog. I am still figuring out how to use a blog so bear with me. Where are you living now?
Rachael,
In my Amer. Heritage dictionary, the first definition of crap is "a losing throw of the dice in the game of craps." The second definition, considered "vulgar" is "excrement." The third definition, also considered vulgar AND slang, is "Nonsense." The fourth definition, considered vulgar and slang, is "something worthless." Looking at the definition of "vulgar," both the first and second definitions refer to things "associated with the great masses of people as distinguished from the educated or cultivated classes; common." The third definition is broken down into 3 parts: "a) deficient in taste, delicacy, or refinement.
b) ill-bred; boorish; crude. c)tasteless in appearance or quality; garish." Only when you get to the fourth definition of vulgar do you get to the really bad stuff: "obscene or indecent; offensive; coarse or bawdy."
As one who bears some of the responsibility for your hearing 'bad words' in your childhood, and one who also has been having to 'clean up her act,' I can relate to what you're going through. I've tried to adopt Charlie Brown's "RATS!" and "Good grief!" when something goes awry. As for when you hurt yourself, "OUCH!!" is still totally acceptable. (If it's really bad, you can say, "Ow, ow, ow, ow . . . !" until the worst of the pain is over.)
Regardless of the poll results, you're probably going to have to omit from your vocabulary ALL words that you don't want to hear coming out of your little one's mouth. Good luck, sweetheart!
Rachael,
While doing some genealogy research, it occurred to me that it would be hysterical (at least to members of my generation) if your little guy would learn to use "Cowabunga!"
Cowabunga isn't even in the dictionary, so any 'nasty' meaning would have to be in the hearer's mind. ;o) luv u!
Rachael,
I mentioned your "poll" to my friend Bob, and he said I could cast a vote on his behalf. (his opinion was 'not good but not horrible' - or however you worded it) He was in the US Navy before he joined the Church, so I'm sure he's heard much worse. But now, as a MP and Temple Worker, he doesn't use the words himself but doesn't condemn people who do, either.
I think its a pretty mild one, though I think I try not to use it. I am going to have to start paying attention before Kaden starts talking as much as your little guy:)
i think you can take your cue from your little one. If you don't like what he's saying then maybe that tells you how you really feel about the word.
Post a Comment